


The Distance Between

by mynameispaige



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magic, Major Character Injury, Peril, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:15:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15205610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameispaige/pseuds/mynameispaige
Summary: The plague has been eradicated and the pestilent Count Lucio haunts Vesuvia no more. An era of peace washes over the city... but the apprentice Raven feels nothing but desolation. The magician Asra went missing in the final battle against Lucio and the plague, leaving Raven behind with no trace of him to follow. Unable to bear the weight of the painful memories Vesuvia brings, Raven leaves the shop behind to live in isolation with their fox familiar, Aster. Try as they might, they cannot block out their past memories, and soon enough the memories come knocking on their door.





	1. The Storm Within

**Author's Note:**

> If you have opted to read this, then thank you so very much. However, I am rusty on my writing so please bear with me! I have no schedule for updates as life can be unpredictable... so I thank you in advance for your patience.

A pounding in my door wakes me from my sleep in the dead of night. Blinking, I sit up slowly, grabbing my dagger from under my pillow. I throw off my covers and head down the stairs walking slowly, unable to see clearly in the dark. With my dagger concealed behind my back, I open the door to reveal a figure I had not expected to see. His hand is raised to knock again, but he doesn’t lower it when he sees my face. Instead, his tired eyes widen in shock, as if he had not expected it to be me at the door.

“Raven…” his voice is barely a whisper, a heavy blow to my wounded heart.

I draw in a shaky breath through my nose. “Julian… what are you doing here? How did you find me?” my voice lacks the conviction I try to force into my tone.

He takes a step forward, then stops less than a foot away from me, lowering his hand. He is not wearing the jacket he almost always sported, a gaudy black affair that had matched perfectly with his eccentric tastes. He shivers, though I cannot tell if it is from the midnight chill or something else. I am torn between pity and frustration.

“It wasn’t easy… I lost count of how many doors I knocked on.” he tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

I chew my lip. “You can’t just show up here… you can’t… after what happened I just-”

“I know, I know I… “ He looks up at me from the bottom of the step, his eyes pleading. “Can-can I come in?”

Fighting the urge to slam it in his face I open the door and allow him to pass, setting my dagger on the small table by the door. His eyes linger on mine as he steps over the threshold. His scent washes over me as he passes, and my heart stutters at the memories that wash over me with it. He smells of Vesuvia. I quickly turn away and close the door, trying to gather my wits. Julian starts adding a log to yesterday's fire, warming his hands near the embers. With a pang I am reminded of the fire salamander who lived in the stove at the shop I used to call my home. It was a simpler time, then. The thought is strange to me, but I find myself longing for the days we were trying to rid Vesuvia of the plague, of Lucio.

Things are so much different now. So much harder.

Shaking these dark thoughts from my mind, I seat myself in front of the hearth, a few feet from Julian. Flames begin to lick at the logs he has added to the fire. I can feel him staring at me, his eyes burning brighter than the flames. I ignore his gaze, staring into the burgeoning fire instead. Chewing my lip again I wait for him to speak first, unsure of what I would even say.

“You cut your hair.”

I keep my eyes on the fire, nodding slightly to acknowledge his comment. It is true, I had my long hair cut before I left Vesuvia. It now stops short of my shoulders, and I am completely unable to braid it the way I used to do each day… before. “I grew tired of it.”

Julian raises his hand to run his fingers through my hair, but seems to think better of it. “I like it.”

I raise my brows at him. He sounds sincere. “Thank you…“

We lapse into an uncomfortable silence, the only sound the crackle of the fire. Julian fidgets, unable to keep still in the quiet. After a while, he sighs.

“Why did you… why did you leave?”

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat. “You know why.”

“You shouldn’t have left, you had, still have people that care about you. We miss you, Raven-” I flinch as he grabs my hand suddenly. “ _I_ miss you. Please, you shouldn’t be living out here all alone-” I pull my hand out of his grasp, a little rougher than I had intended. Hurt and shock flash across his features. “Nothing is the same without you.”

“Nothing will ever be the same. It can never be the same. I cannot face Vesuvia when Asra-” I choke on the name as it leaves my lips. How long has it been since I have said it out loud? “When _he_ is no longer there.” I clasp my hands around my knees, pulling them tight to my chest and resist the urge to bury my face and weep. The tears begin to prick in my eyes and I hastily blink them away. No, I will not cry. If I allow myself to cry it will take me days to stop the tears.

“Raven…” Julian’s voice is laced with sadness. I stare into the flames, willing them to dry my eyes of the tears threatening to spill over. Suddenly there is a soft brush of fur against my leg. It is my fox familiar, Aster. She growls slightly at Julian, whose eyes widen when he sees her.

_Who?_

I give Aster a rub between her ears, but she is still staring at Julian. “This is Julian, my… friend. Julian, this is Aster. She is my familiar.” Aster regards Julian with her large amber eyes, unblinking.

_Friend?_

Slowly, she pads over to Julian, who doesn’t seem to know what to think. He stiffens as she gives him a sniff, then she turns back to me.

_Where?_

“He is from Vesuvia.” Julian looks at me, puzzled. I realize that he cannot hear the conversation Aster and I are having, other than what I say out loud. Aster sits down next to me, nuzzling into my side.

_From home?_

“No… not home anymore. This is home now, Aster.” I gently play with her ears as she regards me. She gives me a long look, and I can feel from our connection that she sees behind the front I am putting up. She gives my hand a small lick and curls up next to me in front of the fire, her amber eyes glowing.

Julian is staring at me still. “Raven please… listen to me.”

“I will not go back to Vesuvia, Julian. I cannot.”

“You look terrible, Raven. I hate to say it, but you look… unwell. You’ve lost weight. Have you been taking care of yourself? Nadia is terribly worried. Portia misses you enormously. We’ve been searching for you for months-”

“I did _not_ want to be found.” I glare at him pointedly.

“I know… but Raven…” I make the mistake of looking into his eyes. They are filling with tears. I choke on the constricting feeling in my throat, which then turns into a wracking sob. The tears I had been fighting spill over, and I am lost. Julian pulls me into his arms, cradling my head against his chest as my carefully reconstructed world falls apart. I can feel his own tears in my hair.

I hear the crash of thunder overhead. A torrential downpour starts up, the rain pelting the small cottage roof. I am vaguely aware of the pull on my magic, proving that I am the cause of the storm. The thought only makes my pain worse, as it reminds me of a time when I was with _him_ in the other world… the other plane of existence. There was a thunderstorm there as well, which he told me I had brought with me. The memories of those sacred, precious moments we shared in his world torment my soul, and I cry even harder. My cries are drowned out by the sound of the rain as I fall apart.


	2. Good Friends

Hours later the storm has quieted, with only the sound of gentle raindrops falling from the leaves of the trees outside. Julian still holds me, his hands warm on my back. Aster sleeps, still curled by the dying fire. Rubbing the redness from my eyes, I stand and move to the kitchen. Outside the sun is beginning to peek through the leaves, and birds are singing sweetly to one another. Julian stretches and follows me into the kitchen, standing behind me as I gaze out the window.

“Raven?”

I turn to look at him. His eyes are wary, looking at me like I am a frightened animal that might bolt at any sudden movement.

“Are you hungry?” I interrupt him before he says anything about what he just saw. I want to put it behind me, to forget again. I know he is not blind to what I am trying to do, but he chooses not to say anything about it. Instead, he gives me a roguish smile.

“Starved.” I busy myself around the kitchen, collecting some eggs from the basket on the counter and cracking them into a small pan. There are enough embers left in the fire to cook breakfast. Julian watches me all the while, uncharacteristically silent. I pay him no mind, and bury myself in my task. While the eggs are cooking I fill my kettle with water and place it over the coals to boil. Once they are done I serve Julian the eggs in a small clay bowl. “Here.”

He takes the bowl. “Where are your eggs? You didn’t even save any for yourself.”

“I’m not all that hungry.” His brows furrow.

“No, no, you need to eat. I will not take a bite of this until you have some first.” he thrusts the bowl in my direction. With a glare I take the bowl from his hand and pop a bite into my mouth, tasting nothing. He crosses his arms when I hold the bowl out to him, shaking his head. I roll my eyes and take another large bite for his sake. Once he sees that I have swallowed, he reluctantly takes the bowl from my hand. He slowly eats while I make myself some tea. Aster rises to sniff the bowl in Julian’s hand, sitting back and watching him expectantly.

“Raven… your fox is staring at me.”

I blow on my tea and settle on the small wooden chair by the window. “She likes eggs.”

Aster licks her lips, her eyes unblinking as she stares at Julian. He shifts his weight from foot to foot as he takes a bite.

_Eggs!_

Unsure of what to do, Julian looks at me, then back at Aster. He cautiously offers her a bite of egg, which she gingerly takes from his hand and gulps down. Her mouth opens in a toothy grin.

_Good friend!_

I look at Julian, realizing something at Aster’s words. He _has_ always been a good friend for me. My heart sinks in my chest. After what happened in Vesuvia… I hadn’t even considered that he might have needed me too during that time. I had been so wrapped up in my own pain, the rest of the world got blocked out. I had _chosen_ to block it out. It seemed the better alternative back then.

“Julian… “

He looks up but is slightly distracted by Aster, who is curling herself around his legs like a cat. “Raven, what is - oops, sorry,” he lifts his foot awkwardly, trying to disentangle himself from Aster. “Yes?”

“I… back in Vesuvia… I never thought about how what happened must have affected you. I cut myself off from everything and everyone, and that was not fair to you. For that I am sorry.”

Julian places his empty bowl on the sill next to me, and kneels at my feet. “Raven, you don’t need to apologize, least of all to me. My pain could not possibly compare to your own. I only wish I could have alleviated some of your suffering, but in that I failed you. So it is really me who should be the one apologizing.” He takes my hands and rubs his thumbs across my knuckles. As he looks into my eyes a realization hits me.

“Julian - your eye!” Sweeping the hair away from his face, I look into his right eye. It is white again, all traces of the sickly red mark of the plague gone. Momentarily frozen by my touch, it takes Julian a moment to respond.

“Ah, yes, well…  After the plague was finally eradicated the mark began to fade until it disappeared completely. Now I am back to looking like a normal person again. Sometimes however… I do find myself missing the eyepatch.” he waggles his eyebrows at me. “I pulled of the roguish pirate look perfectly, don’t you think?”

I give him a small smile, but it does not reach my eyes. “Yes, I believe you did. Though it seems you have moved past that particular phase.” I pick at his shirt at the collar, where his black jacket used to sit.

“I grew tired of that jacket. It also isn’t very practical for the heat.” he laughs.

I take a hard look at the man on his knees before me. He is so much different than he was when I first met him. He used to be so hard on himself, hardly allowing anyone to get close to him. He was his own greatest enemy, never caring at all for his own well-being. He hid behind a large blustering facade, feigning carelessness while surrounding his heart with walls to stave off the pain. I see almost nothing of that facade now. Before me is a changed man, and I sense that his heart is lighter now that he is free from the heavy burden of guilt he had carried for so long. One thing that has remained the same is the unceasing selflessness that had been his downfall in many instances in the past.

“You’ve changed.” I whisper. He cradles the back of my hand, placing my palm against his cheek.

“So have you, though I fear… not for the better.” His eyebrows crease together. “When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep?” I gingerly remove my hand from under his, gripping my teacup and staring into its contents. In honesty I do not know. My nights are full of fitful dreams and nightmares that don’t leave when I wake up. He takes my silence as enough of an answer. "Raven I cannot leave you here in this state. It would not be right, you are unfit to take care of yourself.”

“I can take care of myself just fine!” I retort.

“Raven you are barely _alive.”_ he grasps my wrists firmly, and I cannot pull away. “I don’t mean physically, though it looks as though you aren’t doing well there either.”

“Julian I don’t need a doctor.”

“Maybe not but you do need _friends._ It isn’t healthy for you to be out here all alone in your state. After what I saw last night you cannot simply convince me that you are _fine!”_ his voice is raised, making a couple birds perched in a nearby tree flutter off in surprise. Taking a breath, he lowers his voice. “If you will not agree to return to Vesuvia then I will have to stay here with you. I will not allow you to stay here and die of misery.”

_Friend stay?_

Aster catches my attention before I have time to come up with a response. Barking happily, she zooms around the room like a small red comet.

_Stay stay stay!_

“Wha-what is she doing?” Julian releases his hold on my wrists enough for me to pull away, distracted by the small furry blur rushing around the room. I stand and walk to the kitchen to place my teacup into the washbasin. I can still hear Aster chanting ‘ _friend stay’_ repeatedly through our mental link while she dashes about. Feeling overwhelmed, I step outside into the cool morning air, Julian calling my name as the door closes.

 


	3. Resignation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has given Kudos or commented, etc! It's always nice to know that someone out there likes my writing :)  
> Anyway, this chapter is a little longer than the others... Like I said I really am new to this so I don't have a basis for how long each chapter will be or when I will post another update. As for now my goal is to post at most bi-weekly, but I will try for weekly.  
> Any and all feedback is much appreciated!! Thanks again lovelies :)

Stepping out onto the grass, I take a steadying breath and let the cool morning air clear my mind. Dewdrops kiss my toes as I move to a patch of sunlight that is shining through the trees. Breathing in through my nose and exhaling through my parted lips, I spread my feet and focus on grounding my energy through them. I begin a series of stances and poses, moving through them slowly and accentuating each move with a breath. The sequence has been ingrained in my muscle memory, making it easy for me to clear my mind. I slip into quiet concentration, focusing on nothing but my breath and the movements of my body. 

Several moments later I come back to myself, stretching my awareness out to the surrounding forest. Behind me Julian is leaning against the doorframe, Aster standing by his side. 

“I’ve seen that before… Asra taught you that?” his voice is quiet. 

“Yes… he did.” hearing Julian say  _ his _ name causes it to echo through my head while simultaneously making my stomach drop. 

“He tried to teach me once, though I never understood the purpose of it. He said it was supposed to help me relax, but I found it difficult to do all those poses. I was never very flexible, and always ended up more strained afterward.” he chuckles at a memory. “Besides, I hardly had any time to relax in those days with the plague and all…” 

Aster trots over to me to nuzzle my hand. Unsure of what to say, I watch her open her mouth in a toothy grin as I scratch her ears. 

Julian clears his throat. “Ah… well then. As I was saying before-” 

“Julian.” I interrupt. “I am not ready to return to Vesuvia. There is too much… too many memories that I am not ready to relive. There are things that I came out here to forget-” 

“People too, so it would seem.” he folds his arms against his chest, scowling. His words sting, but he is not wrong. I left Vesuvia with no intent of returning or looking back. Since then I have inefficiently tried to remove all memory of my time there, which included the people I once called my friends. The determined look on Julian’s face wavers as he sees my pained expression, but seconds later he folds his arms tighter and purses his lips. 

My shoulders slump, and I sigh. “You’re right, Julian. I did try to forget everyone. Can you at least see why? You once tried to cut everyone off too, because you thought it was necessary.” 

“Yes, but I was wrong! It took me a while to realize it, but it was the wrong decision to make. You were the one who helped me see that, along with Asra-” 

“Julian please… Just please stop saying that name. It’s just… it’s too much.” I bury my face in my hands. 

Before he has a chance to respond, we are interrupted by the sound of hooves on the dusty path. The portly innkeeper is leading a chestnut mare by the reins, headed our way. Our eyes meet, and he raises a hand in greeting. 

“Verbena, good mornin’! How are you today?” he calls. 

“Just fine, thank you Peter.” I sigh. Shaking off the heavy feeling my conversation with Julian brought, I go to greet him and shake his hand. He pulls me into a one-armed hug with his free arm, his scratchy beard tickling my cheek as he crushes me. My lungs protest, squeezing a strangled noise from my throat which only makes him chuckle. 

“Slight thing, you are. Have you been eatin’ enough? You get skinnier by the minute.” he releases me, only to plant a large hand on my shoulder to size me up. 

Ignoring him, I turn my attention to the horse. “Who have you brought me today?” 

“Well I actually didn’ bring this young lady up to see you doc. She’s as fit as a fiddle. That young man over yonder left her in my care while he came searchin’ for you last night. Glad to see he found you at least, and didn’ end up lost in the woods. Your place ain’ that easy to find even for those who know these parts.” he gestures to Julian, who uncrosses his arms and walks through the small yard to take the reins from Peter. Aster creeps over to sniff the horse, who does not react other than to whinny softly. 

“Thank you for watching over her. How much do I owe you?” Julian rifles through his pocket, which jingles faintly. 

“Nah, it weren’ any trouble, keep yer money. I needed to come up here to check on this one anyhow.” he turns his blue gaze to me. “We aint seen you down at the village lately; people was wonderin’ if you were all right.” he claps his large hand on my shoulder again, making me wobble. I would have fallen over had he not been holding me in place. His tone is light, but his eyes look right through me. 

“Peter you needn’t worry about me so much. I can take care of myself.” the weight of his hand is crushing me, though he is unaware. I refuse the urge to shake off the physical contact. He smiles at me, giving my shoulder a bruising squeeze, and releases his hold. 

“I know you can, Verbena; I never doubted for a second.” 

_ I’m sure you didn’t… _

He smiles at my raised eyebrow, refusing to acknowledge my disapproving look and instead turns to Julian. “Will I be seein’ you down at the inn? I have plenty of room if you’ll be needin’ the space to stay.” 

Julian smiles charmingly at him. “I know where to find you if I have need to take you up on that offer. Thank you, Peter.” Peter clasps his broad hand around Julian’s slight one, and the pressure makes Julian wince. Peter chuckles, and turns to look at me again. 

“Well I sure hope to see you down at the village sometime soon. Meri has been asking to hear another one of your fanciful stories.” he walks backwards for a few steps before turning down the path toward the village. “There are only so many times I can tell her the same story over an’ over before she gets bored.” he waves before rounding a corner and disappearing from view. We watch him go in silence, until the sound of his footfalls fades entirely. I can feel Julian’s eyes on me, and instead of acknowledging him I turn to the horse to pet her neck. 

“She is beautiful. What is her name?” 

“Leela. She is a wonderful travel companion, though she isn’t much for conversation. Nadia lent her to me so I could come find you.” he pets her velvet nose as he speaks, which Leela seems to enjoy. 

“Nadia must really trust you if she is letting you borrow one of her horses.” 

“Yes, I like to think that she trusts me now. After all that has happened, she does not have many people to talk to anymore. She asked me to come work at the castle as head physician after you left, and often visits with me in the library with Portia. We have become friends, or so I think” he shrugs, as if he is unsure. With Nadia, it was often hard to perceive her thoughts, but she was always genuine. 

“Don’t put yourself down, Julian.” I half expect him to spew some nonsense about how he doesn’t deserve the friends he has or some other such nonsense, but he just shrugs again and leads Leela over to the wooden fence and ties the reins to a post. 

_ He really has changed.  _

“Well, seeing as you aren’t ready to come home to Vesuvia, it looks like I will be sticking around for a little while.” his back is still turned to me, and I watch as he removes his saddle bags and starts to lug them into my cottage. 

“No Julian, I didn’t say-” I start to protest, but he is already inside. With a happy bark, Aster trots into the house, slipping through the door before it shuts completely. Left alone with Leela I stare at the door for a moment, incredulous. She looks back at me and nickers, her mouth full of grass. I groan in defeat. “Just don’t eat any of my vegetables, Leela.” I say to her as I pass by. She only flicks her ears. 

Inside, Julian is unrolling a sleeping mat in the corner of the room, humming to himself. Aster sits next to him, a dopey smile plastered on her face. Her tongue lolls out of the corner of her mouth. 

_ Friend stay!  _

“Yeah, sure looks like it.“ I mutter under my breath. 

Julian looks up at the sound of the door creaking shut. “I didn’t think you would mind me occupying this corner, so I took the liberty of setting up camp.” he smiles, triumphant. 

_ As if you gave me a choice…  _

He ignores my scowl, and continues to unpack his bags. I trudge past him and make my way upstairs to change, grumbling under my breath. 

 

The upstairs to my cottage is a small, single room with large windows on the eastern and western sides. The glass in the western window is broken, having cracked long before I came here. I have lined the windows with potted plants, mostly to cover up the grime I was unable to scrub away. A small wooden cot with a hay-stuffed mattress occupies one wall, with a crooked wooden dresser standing to its right. On the dresser are more plants. A small smile crosses my lips as I greet each of my plants one by one. They are one of the few things that make me truly happy anymore, and I consider them to be my friends. I have always had an affinity for plants, a special connection. It is this connection that has helped me to become an effective healer. I don’t remember ever having learned the things I know, due to my memory being lost previous to the past four years, but I found that I still carry the knowledge with me. 

Moving to the dresser after greeting the last plant atop it, I pull out clean clothes and start to change. Just as I have pulled my dirty shirt over my head, Julian reaches the top of the stairs and pushes open the door. “Raven, Aster has a pair of my socks and she wont give them ba-ACK!” I turn in time to see him blush a cherry red, his mouth hanging open in surprise. “Oh, oh n- I am so sorry, I- ah… “ he fumbles over his words as I stand there in just my underwear, clean shirt in hand. He lifts his eyes to the ceiling, looking anywhere but to my bare chest and legs. I am intensely aware that I am practically naked in front of him and quickly don my shirt, fumbling with the sleeves. I am pulling on my leggings as Julian almost trips and falls down the stairs. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll just, uh…” 

After Julian is gone, I take a moment to breathe and rub the redness from my cheeks. I finish getting dressed and shake myself to purge the embarrassing moment from my mind, then head downstairs. Aster is happily chewing on a bundled pair of socks in the kitchen, her ears perking up as she sees me. Julian is standing by the fireplace, his knuckles at his lips. Shifting from foot to foot, he doesn’t notice me at first. When he does, his face reddens with another blush. 

“I’m really sorry, Raven, I didn’t mean- I didn’t know you were… “ he clears his throat. 

“Julian it’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it.” I try to assure him through my tone. “It isn’t like you saw anything anyway.” 

“R-right…” if possible, his face turns an even deeper red. 

I move to the kitchen, and pry the socks from Aster’s maw. She whines in complaint. 

_ Mine!  _

I go to hand the socks to Julian, but they have been ripped to shreds and no longer resemble the garments they used to be. I smile sheepishly at Julian, and offer him the socks. “Sorry… “

Julian takes them from me, and with a small laugh ties them into a knot to form a makeshift toy. He then throws it back to Aster, who catches it and starts shaking it furiously. Julian laughs, and I can’t help but smile at my familiars’ antics. 

“Hey… that is the first time I have seen you really smile since I got here last night.” he turns to stand in front of me, and pushes a strand of white hair from my eyes. “Even so… it didn’t reach your eyes. You have one of the best smiles, Raven. I wish I could see you smile, and I mean really smile again.” 

He frowns as he watches the smile slip from my face. I step away from him, and turn to the door. “Well, you may be planning on sticking around here for a while, but I have things to do.” 

“Things?” his eyebrows raise as he watches me put on my shoes. 

“You may think that I sit around here all day feeling sorry for myself, but I actually have responsibilities. Things to do, gardens to take care of, patients to see.” 

“You… you have patients?” 

I pull the top half of my hair back and secure it with a bit of cord to keep it out of my eyes. “Yes, though there aren’t many, and most of them are animals.” I grab my satchel that hangs on the peg by the door and turn to face Julian. “You are free to do what you like.” 

“Then if it is not too much trouble, I will accompany you. I would like to see some of your patients for myself. It’s been a while since I have seen you practice medicine.” he smiles his roguish smile, but his words have a double meaning to me. The last time he would have seen me practice medicine was when I was assisting him find a cure for the plague. That was before I died, before my memory begins, before I was brought back to life… 

Taking a breath I turn and walk out the door, Julian and Aster following behind. 


End file.
